The world is big, but there will always be a few unlikable people, even at the ends of the earth.
The sun had already set, and the moon was reflecting on the surface of the sea, across the heavy waves, pushing gusts of hot wind toward the coconut trees on the shore. Under the layers of shadows, a girl is polishing the edge of a clamshell, drops of sweat filling her forehead.
The wind gently moved the sand and sea, she rubbed her eyes and raised her hands. The clamshell, under the moonlight, brought out a beautiful sparkle.
She let out a satisfied sigh, her small body trembling with the sound of the tide. It’s a good night, she thought.
Tonight, she will kill someone.
“Duan Wu? Duan Wu? It’s almost time, where are you?” A lady shouted from afar.
Duan Wu quickly put her shell away, and on her face was a gentle smile: “Coming!”
She picked up her straw shoes, wrapped her big cloak around her, and ran toward the lantern-lit wooden house by the sea.
Duan Wu, that’s right, just called her Duan Wu. She is a female slave, she doesn’t need a last name.
***
This hell of a place is called Lianzhou, on the bay side of Guangxi, in the Yuan Dynasty. Guangxi is very far from the Central Plains, and Lianzhou is remote enough to be called the Cape of the Sea. That year, Su Dongpo was pardoned and allowed to return to Leizhou, when passed by this place, he placed a plaque with the words *“万里瞿天” and made it famous. However, Duan Wu had lived on this earth for fifteen years and had never paid respect to the place. Slaves like her were not allowed to step foot outside the Pearl Collection Division, she’s just a frog in a small pond watching the world.
[万里瞿天 = Enjoy the scenery from miles away, TN]
Eastern Pearls are not as good as West Pearls, but West Pearls aren’t as good as South Pearls. Hepu of Lianzhou is the most precious pearl in the South. The Pearl Collection Division attracted the attention of the Imperial Court during the time of the late Emperor Renzong to satisfy the powerful nobles’ interest in pearls. To retrieve the goods, nobles were sent to this site.
All the pearl collectors were considered as ‘xu hu’, the lowest social class of ancient times. Aside from collecting pearls, chief officers needed a large amount of slaves to complete other duties.
The first batch of slaves for pearl collecting was a group of hundreds captured by the Mongols during their conquest of the South, which were given to chief officers. Slaves like them are more pathetic than regular slaves. They are no match for pearls on the bottom of the sea. The only slaves who are more dignified are the stewards. Women slaves who reach maturity are assigned to random male slaves each night and because of that, children will not know who their fathers are.
Moreover, babies will be kept in a tent to be raised, but if they are sick, they will be thrown into the ocean. Once they can walk, they must learn how to perform labour tasks, and if they fail to learn, they will be beaten to death. To succeed, they need to be obedient and know how to kiss up to others, and if they aren’t smart enough, they must at least live until they become mature.
As a slave, Duan Wu grew up as this, and she is the model for all slaves. She is never sick, and she always speaks sweetly and is always obedient and willing to do whatever is necessary. When she was four, she could hold a spittoon, at five, she could chase away mosquitoes, at seven, she could chop onions and ginger. At the age of nine, she learned to use an abacus, and at ten she learned to distinguish types of pearls. By the age of fifteen, she had reached the status of ‘floor trading performer’, one level beneath ‘steward’.
But tonight, she knows she will have to throw everything away to kill one person.
Duan Wu walked inside a creaky wooden house. First thing, she washed her hands with jasmine perfume, then used a linen cloth to dry her hands.
Even though she had matured, but her hands were still petite, just like her figure. Everyone knows all the floor trading performers are very self-conscious if their hands are big. Floor Trading Performer, as the name suggests, is where they hold the annual trade with merchants from all over the world, which is why the women need to have small hands, as they will enhance the size of the pearl. Once their hands are no longer the standard size, they are kicked out of there and thrown to a random male slave.
Slaves that are under the age of ten, will be responsible for serving wines, and fruit platters, fanning the guests and killing mosquitoes. Whereas, teenage slaves will dress in bright dancing clothes, then walk around and give compliments to the merchants.
—If that man had less beard and was younger, he would be quite good-looking
—This man is too fat, he won’t feel pain even if you step on his belly and dance
Duan Wu listened to their conversation. Her big eyes filled with various emotions brightly shine under the light.
One girl walked towards her and gently tapped her shoulder. Duan Wu asked: “La La, are your hands swollen?”
La La’s eyes turned red, she looked pitiful. She is about the same age as Duan Wu, and they are both good friends.
To prevent La La’s hands from becoming bigger, she often would tighten her hands with a cloth strip at night, which caused her hands to become swollen.
Duan Wu pulled her to a corner, got some cold water and gently wiped her fingers, then blew on them to dry.
La La’s fingers twitched. Duan Wu quietly said: “Did I hurt you?”
“Duan Wu….you…tonight…” La La’s face turned pale.
Duan Wu smiled, her teeth were uneven which made her smile a little playful. She stroked La La’s chin and said: “I will be fine, don’t worry about me. Did you forget I was born on May 5th, the day of warding off evil spirits?”
[Duan Wu 端午 = another word is Dragon Boat Festival (端午节), her name is a traditional Chinese celebratory date, which falls on May 5th of the Chinese calendar, also the date she was born. This day is a day of worshiping gods, and ancestors, praying for good luck and warding off evil spirits, TN]
La La couldn’t say anything else, as she had always been shy since she was a child, but thanks to Duan Wu who had protected her, and brought her to her current position safely.
Duan Wu started to feel a little worry and regret. If she leaves, how will La La survive?
She felt extremely terrible inside, but she didn’t want La La to see it.
After thinking for a while, she takes off her necklace that’s made out of seashell and puts it on La La, then gently stroking her braids: “I’ve known you for more than ten years, but have never given you anything. Everyone wants my seashell necklace, can’t believe at the end, you’ll be the one taking it. In the future, try not to cry too much, and be more observant. If they want to kick you out of here, then go beg the 8th Lady to accept you as her apprentice. Everything she had taught me, I didn’t hide anything, in fact, I’ve given you everything I know. Remember it well and don’t forget.”
The 8th Lady is the stewardess of this floor and the warehouse. At the age of ten, Duan Wu entered the Pearl Collection Division to sort pearls, because of her quickness and quietness, she quickly caught the attention of the 8th Lady and became her unique apprentice. This matter is supposed to be a secret, but Duan Wu couldn’t keep it from La La.
La La tightly gripped the seashell, and her tears slowly poured down her cheeks.
Duan Wu thought of the plan she had carefully designed, she had already guessed. Everyone has their fate, she can’t shield La La forever.
She knocked La La’s head: “This is all you’re good at! Your hands are swollen, quickly go back and rest. I will find someone to replace you. I will keep this from the 8th Lady.” Seeing La La’s tears also made her feel uneasy, that’s why she wanted to quickly send her away.
The bell rang, and the 8th Lady appeared beside the curtain, her face was no different from a bullfrog, especially with her bulky big eyes and big wide mouth: “Duan Wu?”
“Coming, coming!” Duan Wu took off her cloak.
She’s dressed the same as other dancers, a knee-long skirt, and a waist-length shirt. If she was in Zhongyuan, people would’ve said 伤风败俗, but in this heated Lianzhou, this is just considered an ordinary outfit.
[伤风败俗 Shāngfēngbàisú = Ruining the beauty or culture, of a country. This is usually used to criticize morally corrupt people, TN]
Duan Wu held out a plate of pearls and led the dancers towards the middle of the room. As she looks around, she sees the eyes of hungry wolves.
However, she’s used to these kinds of stares. They are just merchants, and she must sell them pearls.
A bright smile, while tiptoeing, gently twirling the plate and singing with her soft voice ‘Beside the golden carriage and the exquisite jade palace. The bright full moon in Kunchi, and the night light of Hepu returns’. As if she were a butterfly under the moon, a small and moving shadow, waiting to break free of its cocoon, she radiated youthful radiance, reflecting the lustre of pearls.
Every time she dances during the Dragon Boat Festival, everything is forgotten, she’s no longer a slave, she’s a precious pearl under the sea, hidden in its shell, waiting for someone to come and cherish her, no matter how long it takes.
She finishes her song and glances up at the position on top. She’s been with the 8th Lady for five years, and that seat has always been empty.
One merchant took out a piece of green jade and said to Duan Wu: “Little girl, I want to trade my Dushan jade for your pearls, is it possible?”
Duan Wu, one hand holding the pearl plate, one hand carefully placing his pearl under the light for an examination.
Her eyes shine brightly, as she takes out ten small pears from her plate.
The merchant’s face turned heated red, he slowly yelled: “You just gave me ten small ‘Zhenggan’ pearls, are you trying to joke with me?”
Duan Wu smiled and said in a low voice: “Master, are you trying to be funny? Only one thousand pearls of one tael are called ‘Zhenggan 正干’, what I’ve given you is ‘Babaizi 八百字’ real pearls for one tael. Master, this piece is a Dushan jade? Are you playing with me because I’m young? This is clearly a Bashan jade, the layer of the jade is not thin, and it doesn’t shine. If you want, I can find you a pearl to knock it with, and I can guarantee it will sound hoarser than a real jade.”
[Dushan Jades is one of the most famous jades in China, originated from Dushan, Nanyang City and Bashan jade is cheaper, and easier to get, TN]
While speaking, she brightly smiled and tilted her head, as if her words had no ill intentions. Therefore, even when he’s exposed, he will not be embarrassed. The merchant angrily snatched back his jade and said: “Fine!”
“Thank you, Master! Quickly, write it in the account.” Duan Wu walked over to another girl and watched her bargain with one of the merchants.
This girl is still new, therefore this merchant can easily push her to the edge, leaving no room for discussion.
Duan Wu was afraid she would lose, she quickly smiled: “Yeye, is it alright for me to take a look?”
[Yeye 爷爷 = also means grandfather, but can also be used as a respectful form of addressing any old man, TN]
The old merchant recognized Duan Wu and refused: “Let you see? Will I make any profit then?”
Duan Wu said: “Aiya, Yeye – you misunderstood me. You’ve travelled from South to North, powerful and invincible for many years, how could you surrender to a little girl like me? Us sisters have to stick to pearls to make a living, but of course all the good ones, specifically this cat eye always come from you.”
The old merchant knew what Duan Wu was going to say, but he still handed the cat eye over to her.
Duan Wu carefully examined. A few minutes later, she clicked her tongue and let out a sigh of admiration. After sighing, she looked up and showed her unbalanced teeth, then said: “This cat eye is quite good, the brown colour is more valuable than yellowish-green. All of them here are brown, and the curved surface seems very lively, plus it’s very shiny, definitely a beautiful piece! Only Yeye would have the power to possess something like this, you opened my eyes today.”
“Haha, you definitely know your stuff. I want to exchange it for five ‘Qizhen 奇珍’ and three ‘Babao 八宝’, that’s not too much to ask right?”
“Let me think about this. One ‘Qizhen 奇珍’ is seven cents, five of them would be thirty-five cents. Three ‘Babao 八宝’ is twenty-four cents. Would you take fifty-nine cents?”
“Is that too much?”
“No! It’s too little! I will give you seventy cents, in exchange for your cat eye.” As she was speaking, she handed over ten pieces of Qizhen.
At this time, he finally realized what she meant, he scoldingly laughed: “This child, you’re giving me seventy cents worth of Qizhen, instead of Babao. Don’t you know that the bigger the pearls, the more valuable they are? It can be worth up to thousands of taels or even silvers. If you do it like this, I won’t make any profit.”
The smile on Duan Wu’s face disappeared and stared at him: “I know, but Yeye, the bottom of your cat eye is a little thicker than normal. Others may not understand, but how could you not understand? The bottom is thicker which means the weight is heavier, it will be hard to find anyone to buy this. Yeye, don’t you want to cooperate with us more frequently?”
Not waiting for him to answer, Duan Wu continued in a softer tone: “Yeye is wise, please help us out! Write it in the account!”
She pulled on her waist-length shirt that was barely covering her belly button and continued to walk around.
Suddenly, a merchant appeared on the scene, with a smirk on his face as he grabbed her waist.
Duan Wu didn’t bother waiting for him to speak, and immediately screamed, startling everyone in the room.
Duan Wu said: “I said I was going to bring you a few pearls, but I’ve dropped it. I have to go find it.”
She quickly grabbed the tray and crawled under the table, pretending to look for something.
After a while, she crawled up with a wailing face: “I cannot find it. The pearl is really big. Let me go look somewhere else, you stay here.”
The merchant did not believe her, he also crawled under the table, and after a while, he suddenly screamed.
Duan Wu is full of joy because she specifically prepared that pricked ball for men like these.
***
The singing had finished, and everyone had parted ways. Duan Wu started cleaning up and watched the other slaves leave.
When people greeted her, she smiled brighter than usual and even said a few words to them.
As everyone departed, she put on her cloak, which contained the clams she would use for the murder.
Suddenly, someone coldly said something: “Duan Wu, do you think it’s over? It’s not over yet.”
Duan Wu turned around, and it was the 8th Lady. The 8th Lady was a slave of this trading house, but because of her unpleasant appearance, no male slave wanted to sleep with her. At that time, the Mongolian leader would order her to guard the warehouse, or even send her out to do business.
Over time, she became one of the most knowledgeable people in Lianzhou. She always finds value in items, no matter how invaluable they may be. Because of this skill, everyone in the trading house trusted her, including Harbala, the current leader of Mongolian.
[Harbala, born in 1926, from Kezhong Banner, Inner Mongolia. He participated in revolutionary work in 1946, and joined the Communist Party of China in 1946, TN]
Duan Wu has always been honest in front of her. When Duan Wu studied pearls and treasures in the past, she often got beaten, but she never resented the 8th Lady for that. Although she does not agree with the punishment, she quickly realizes that she is the most powerful person in this field.
The 8th Lady opened the warehouse and lit a candle. A luxurious atmosphere of death emanates from the pearls and jades.
This is not Duan Wu’s first time being here, but today because of her ill intentions, she is more cautious.
The 8th Lady asked her to sit down and handed her a piece of white jade. The jade was clear and shiny, its beauty mesmerized her.
Duan Wu squinted her eyes: “I saw some of the guests were wearing this, this is called Kunshan jade.”
The 8th Lady said: “Kunshan jade comes from Xiyu, the Western regions, and white Yangzhi jade is from Hotan City, the best in the world. I have taught you all these years, but never mentioned Hetian jade, which is the best among all jades, do you know why?”
Duan Wu followed her: “Why?”
“I’m waiting. Hotan City belongs to the Han Kingdom. In the past few years, there was a war against the Yuan Dynasty, and the source of the jades had been cut off. In recent years, they had a peace agreement, and the distribution of silks was restored, but the Hetian jade had been repeatedly robbed by the gang of Kunlun Mountains, making it very difficult to transport them.”
“This piece looks unbroken, did Master get it before the war?”
She had never called the 8th Lady ‘master’ before, but death was near, she couldn’t help but say it.
The 8th Lady didn’t seem to notice, as she was lost in her thoughts. Unsure of what event she had thought of, but her unpleasant face suddenly filled with an unexpected expression.
The 8th Lady said to Duan Wu: “I’m waiting for the jade, as well as someone. About 12 years ago, there was a handsome boy, about 13 or 14 years old who came to Hepu from Hotan City. He was disabled, and his clothes were dirty and ripped up, but his voice was gentle and patient, like the lonely seed in the crowd of chickens, just like the Hetian jade. At that time, on him was just a piece of rock, but he offered to exchange it for a bucket of pearls. Of course, the leader refused, but he proceeded to explain that this rock contained a precious piece of jade. To prevent an outsider from finding out, that’s why it’s hidden here, but right now his energy is drained, he could only ask the leader to help him open this rock. When the leader didn’t believe him, the young boy wrote a letter in blood, guaranteeing that if he lied about the jade, they could cut off his right hand as compensation.”
“What happened next?” Duan Wu strokes the jade while attentively listening to her story.
“Later, this piece of jade was added to the warehouse. The young boy shared that his family was broken and he could only rely on this piece of jade to turn his life around. I do not know how he convinced the leader, but in the end, he was given two buckets of large pearls. He said that he would come back one day to visit us. However, after waiting for all these years, out with the old, in with the new, others have forgotten, except me, I still keep his position empty for him. Duan Wu, I’ve been teaching you to appreciate these pearls for the past few years, because I’m waiting for the day that he will come back, and send you off with him. Your intelligence and your personality are useful to him, but—he won’t come again. You’re almost fifteen, you can’t wait any longer.”
Duan Wu couldn’t help but ask: “Why can’t you wait longer? Why isn’t he coming?”
The 8th Lady replied, “Because today I got a message from Xiyu, Western regions, three years ago, a young man by the last name Yuchi had already become the lord of Hetian City. It is unlikely that he will come back. Therefore, you and I need to come up with something else.”
“Master, you know Harbala, the leader of Mongolian is going to summon me to serve him tonight.”
The 8th Lady looked at Duan Wu: “I know, it was my suggestion.”
Duan Wu’s eyes widened.
The 8th Lady continued, “I am your master, I did not raise you for you to be treated like animals by other people. Harbala is uninterested in women, as long as you make it through a year or two, you can rely on his power to take over my place and be respected by many, even the leader of Mongolian. Plus, no man would dare to touch you.”
“I don’t agree! I don’t want to!” Duan Wu did not cry, but only loudly yelled.
He’s known for his cruelty, and ever since Duan Wu found out she had to serve him, she made it her mission to kill him. Once you get on this tiger back, there’s no way out.
Once she killed him, she won’t be able to survive, but it was better than selling herself.
The 8th Lady said: “Even if you don’t want to, you have to! You’re almost fifteen, according to the rules here, if you do not follow him, you will be sent off to a group of nasty and hopeless people.”
Duan Wu trembled. The 8th Lady reached into her cloak and pulled out the clamshell. Then she clapped her hands, and two guards from the Pearl Collection Division came in. Duan Wu grabbed the 8th Lady’s belt, and for the first time, her eyes were filled with fear.
The 8th Lady forcefully removed her hands and, at the same time lowered her head and whispered: “Don’t be stupid, endure the pain now, later on, you won’t feel anything.”
Duan Wu’s hands were bruised, and she stopped fighting.
***
Suddenly, thunder rumbled up in the sky, and the flagpole fell. A storm seems to be brewing.
Harbala’s residence is a yurt. Lights are lit inside.
Duan Wu faintly heard the sound of crying. When she entered, the ground was a mess, and Harbala was wrapped in a robe while drinking wine.
Several dishes, a pot of wine, a black-and-gold candlestick and a flickering white candle are on the table.
Duan Wu greeted him. Harbala has a vulgar face and two small eyes that are staring at her: “I heard that you are a smart girl, that’s why I want you. If you can’t satisfy me, then—guard!”
A guard walked in and laid down a roll of blanket, Duan Wu inhaled the cold air heavily, while pinching her leg.
This little girl is almost dying, her hair messy, lifeless, and her body drenched in blood. She is probably around ten years old.
The guard lifted the girl and took her out, without wrapping any piece of cloth around her. Harbala carefully observed Duan Wu’s expressions throughout the whole thing.
Duan Wu licked her dry cracked lips and smiled bitterly: “My lord, I am not smart. As slaves, we belong to all our masters. You are Duan Wu’s master, therefore I don’t dare to make you angry.”
Harbala laughed out loud, “Climb up here and let me look at you.”
Duan Wu smiled: “How can I serve you if I climb up there, especially with these dirty hands and feet? How about I pour you some wine? I will taste it for you.”
“You know how to drink?”
Duan Wu nodded. She did not lie, at the age of seven, she had to chop onions and ginger in the kitchen and occasionally would take a few sips of wine.
She turned her back to Harbala and said excitedly: “My lord, a storm is coming! I’ve heard that there’s a scary monster in the sea of Lianzhou and that it likes to eat only one thing…What do you think it is?”
Before Harbala could respond, Duan Wu quickly answered, “The heart of a vicious dog!”
In an instant, she turned around, held the burning candle in her hand, and used the sharp end to stab him.
Unfortunately, the sharp point only went through the robe. Duan Wu was not aware that Harbala had a piece of protective armour under his robe.
Using all her strength, Duan Wu stabbed Harbala in the thigh. Harbala screamed in pain, the door was immediately pushed open and guards came running through.
Though she wasn’t surprised to be caught, she was more shocked to see La La standing behind them!
One of the guards walked up to Duan Wu and said: “Your friend here came to us long ago, informing us that you were planning to kill Harbala, but Harbala did not believe her. We made a deal, if you did not carry out your plan, then your friend would be executed for false accusation!”
Duan Wu looked at La La, she did not want to believe their words, but La La quickly shouted at her: “Duan Wu, what makes you luckier than me? You have everything, the 8th Lady is willing to teach you, and Master Harbala chooses you! As for me, I’m sick of living this life!”
Duan Wu suddenly thought from now on, you can replace the 8th Lady and serve the leader.
La La continued to scream in anger, Duan Wu finally stopped her: “You betrayed me to prove your loyalty. Don’t worry, I won’t haunt you after my death, but remember that I—Duan Wu, never lost to you.”
Duan Wu finished her final words. She slowly closed her eyes and was ready to accept her fate.
Harbala wants to execute Duan Wu immediately, but as someone who’s very superstitious, he believes that it’s unlucky to kill someone when the sea god is angry.
The 8th Lady stepped in and said, “My lord, there is a rock beside the Broken Hope pond, and sea monsters are often seen there. If you tie this girl there, she will die eventually. Sacrificed her to the sea god, and we will harvest good pearls next year.”
Harbala agreed with the suggestion and immediately ordered someone to take Duan Wu away. The 8th Lady did not glance at Duan Wu even once, at this point, Duan Wu doesn’t care anymore.
***
As a child, she passed by the Broken Hope pond while running errands for the accountant’s office, and she became fascinated by it. The Pearl Collection Division is in charge of the Broken Hope Pond. In the past, this place was very beautiful, with its unique name ‘Broken Hope’, but now it serves as a burial ground.
Duan Wu was tied to a rick. After all the guards had left, she tried to break out but it was impossible.
She couldn’t help but feel tired. The fatigue from fifteen years of being a slave had built up to its exploding point.
The wind was gusting, the tide was raging, and the moon was hiding behind dark clouds. Duan Wu stared blankly at the scenery — What a great view, she thought. From now on, she’s free. Although she is afraid of death, but the idea of freedom comforts her.
The water slowly submerged her feet, then her knees, and then her waist.
Duan Wu suddenly thought, if she died, would the fish eat her? That means thousands of years later, her body may become something valuable in the Broken Hope pond, waiting to be discovered.
The rumble of thunder was like the cry of the sea monster.
Duan Wu isn’t afraid of death, but this slow death is tiring. She silently prayed that a sea monster would appear and eat her already.
At this time, she heard a strange sound. She slowly opened her eyes again and saw a ship appearing on the wave.
The ship was a gorgeous red with a big hull. A man was seen standing on the bow of the ship. He has a neatly tied belt that’s flowing along with the wind. From afar, he looked like Zhuxia, the earthly white crane.
Seeing him is like an illusion, she can’t tell if he’s real or not. His appearance seemed relaxed, instead of the black clouds above his head, there were thousands of flowers blooming.
Duan Wu was mesmerized, even though she could not see him clearly, but her heart was filled with hope; it was not a sea monster, instead, it was a sea god. A handsome man, no doubt he must be the sea god! Only the god would be riding a ship on a storming day, not afraid of wind and waves.
Did the sea god hear her prayer? Is he here to turn her into a precious pearl? Her weak bottom could not handle joy and sorrow at the same time. She suddenly lost consciousness and fell into blurred darkness.
When she woke up, she found herself sleeping in a dim and smelly cabin.
She couldn’t help but be disappointed, heaven is no different than a slave’s room.
Suddenly, an old woman approached her, “You’re awake. It’s been three days.”
The woman had red eyes, and her face was dirty. She handed Duan Wu a bowl of porridge with leaves floating in it, “Eat up.”
Duan Wu was suspicious: “What is this place? Am I not dead?”
“You are alive. You were saved by the owner of this ship.” The old woman said.
“The sea god?” Duan Wu asked.
The old woman froze for a long time, before proceeding: “God? More like the god of hell! Anyway, you’ll know sooner or later, so I’ll just tell you. The owner of this ship, his name is Yan Zi Jing, he’s a merchant and a human trafficker. Just wait until he sells you off!”
Duan Wu just woke up from her unconscious state, she couldn’t process the old man’s words for a minute.
She lay down again and refused to eat the porridge.
The old woman advised: “It’s better to die than live. Since you’re already onboard, the ship left Lianzhou long ago.”
Duan Wu suddenly sat up, grabbed the bowl and gulped it down completely.
The old woman hurriedly said: “Child, don’t spill it.”
Duan Wu thought If I don’t spill pearls, how can I spill the porridge? She finished in an instant, sure enough, there was no leftover.
That night, she did not sleep well.
She escaped from hell, and boarded a pirate ship, how could she sleep well?
Syublush 